[Discussion] Patriarchy

Use this thread to critique my story, Patriarchy. Constructive criticism will gladly be taken on board, no matter how small or insignificant you think it might be.

I'll start with my classic fangasm:
OMFGNEEDZMOARNAOW !!!!!

-moves on;-
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I love how you are writing in your own perspective and as I was reading I could really feel like I was the character I was reading about. I could easily put myself as the character and feel what the character would feel. (I realised I kinda said the same thing twice, but I seriously could not put it in a better way.)

Even thou this is just a start, it's a damn good one and keep up the good work. Right now I don't see anything that could have been better couse I'm already hooked, which normally takes a few chapters for me too become really.

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